Have spent the last few days of my trip in Burgundy, just 2.5 hrs from Paris and you are in the country with rolling hillside vineyards- everywhere. Splendid, quiet and peaceful. Have had time to reflect on my life, my divorce, where my life is headed. It's all quite overwhelming at times. Plain and simple- I'm a planner, I like to know and create my future- but now I'm in a state of uncertainty. I saw this quote once that spoke to me, "The future doesn't have to be uncertain if you create it." I need to control what I can and accept the things I cannot change- accept them and move on.
Reading a helpful book right now to support that thought called "Loving What Is." One of the very helpful anecdotes I keep reminding myself of is: Wanting to change something that is the way it is, whether it be the way someone behaves, something that happened in the past, or a circumstance you wish was different...that's like demanding a cat to bark like a dog! It's just not going to happen! So do you waste your time and energy fretting about how you can change something or wishing it was different, or learn to deal with how things are and move forward in life? It's difficult to do, but I hope the more I practice, my brain will follow more easily.
All of my thoughts that sometimes appear in rapid fire sound a little like this "I'm sad my marriage ended (even if it was for the best), why couldn't it have been different, I'm scared my kids will suffer, I'm scared not to have a loving partnership in my life, I'm scared about finances, why did my parents have to move away, why did a friend of mine say that hurtful thing to me." Bottom line is: can't make that cat bark
I'm trying. It's not easy. Need to strike a balance of controlling what I can: loving the kids, work, who I spend my time with, staying on a happy, healthy path etc. The other stuff: guilt, worry, fear, emotions that I need to try and let go of, and let life unfold the way it's going to.
Will be biking through the Burgundy countryside today, soaking up all the fresh air and sun like the beautiful grapes all around, I can only hope that I too get better with age like they do.
I am sure everything will get better! People get what they deserve and you? You deserve a great happy life!
ReplyDeleteHi Kiki, we don't actually know each other, but I bookmarked your site when one of your friends posted it on Greenlake Moms over a year ago. From time to time I've checked back in; as a mom of a 1 and 3 yr old working a crazy demanding full time job, I'm always frazzled, always overwhelmed. Your posts have been an important, therapeutic breather-- a reminder for me to stop, take a moment, enjoy and appreciate the simplicity and beauty in all things, create beauty where I can, live life, breathe.
ReplyDeleteI was about to delete the bookmark during you hiatus, and was really glad to see you're back at it-- but also very sad for your divorce. I've been there; it's excruciatingly painful; and I hope you are finding strength and solace in your family and friends.
This is a very long way of saying, keep doing what you're doing. There are many of us who appreciate it, and whose lives, in a small but significant way, are enriched by what you have to offer here.
Sarah
and was about to delete the bookmark during your extended hiatus.